Gut wrenching pain as the last seconds of time tick off the clock and you know that your season is ending in disappointment. How are you going to recover? What are you going to do with the reactions from pundits, fans and even your own team?
When your emotions are raw it is easy to make decisions that don't match up with your goals and values. You react instead of think, and more often than not this makes things worse. How can you recover from this feeling of loss?
I want to show you how to recover, and in doing so I am looking to do my own recovery with this post. A team that I am connected with through my consulting work had a loss that was likely harder for them to experience than I, however I am still impacted by it as I care deeply for the individuals that I work with. By taking the action of sharing how to recover I will be giving myself the opportunity to do so as well. I will show you an action I take when I recover and how it helps you do the same.
Too often emotions are taken at face value. We feel bad so things must be so. I want you to consider another way to internalize this, to look at the situation as an opportunity rather than what the feeling is telling you.
Take for example the feeling of hunger. At times the reason that feeling happens is actually due to thirst and for many the decision is to eat rather than look for what the true reason for the feeling is. Now think back to a time when you thought you knew why you were upset, was it really due to your initial belief? The way to wade through the emotional current and find the truth behind the feeling is to look for the facts. By taking only what the facts say and not adding adjectives to show how "horrible" the situation is there becomes an opportunity to learn and take action rather than wallow and complain.
Now you are likely looking at me with eyes that scream "easy to say bro but come on, let's be real here". I get that this is something where it is easy to sit here and type out but hard to apply in reality. I believe the reason for this comes from how difficult it can be to identify why we are upset as well as how hard it is to express the emotion in a healthy way. That is why I want to show you a way to do so, both in an actionable step and also by backing up what I say to do through the creation of this content.
Accumulate the Facts
When I say to accumulate the facts it is just that, nothing extra. If you are upset about a loss, call it a loss and share what the facts were regarding how that became the end result. This is where I get picky, because so many times I see people attempt this and instinctively add their own judgement of the situation without realizing it. A person may say that it is "hot" when instead I am looking for the specific fact of what the temperature is since "hot" is relative to each person.
Once you have the facts of what happened you are better equipped to make a decision that can create change in the present and the future. Focus on the facts that you have direct control over as those are the ones you can impact yourself. The contrast here between fact and emotion is that with an emotion you are working with a fluid feeling that may or may not be helpful in your growth as a player. With the facts you will be able to have meaningful information that you can work with and create meaningful change.
How do you create change? Choose something that you can take action in that will release the emotion, gain understanding from the emotion or allow you to use the emotion and the memory of how it felt as fuel to make sure you train in a way that reduces the chance of you experiencing the emotion again as your outcome will have a higher probability of being a different one.
Choose an Action
So you have your emotion. You just gathered the facts as to why you feel the way you do and with those facts you know what your target is. Now I want you to look for ways to take this moment and create a growth opportunity from that information by writing down what you can change in the now to impact the next time you are in a situation where you want a different result.
It is that simple. By taking action into something that matters to you, the things that you value and give you drive in your life, you will have a healthy space to put your emotional energy to work for you rather than allowing it to fester in your mind.
I mentioned that this content is cathartic for me, and the reason is that it is an action that I am taking towards what I love which is sharing what I am good at with others in the hope that anyone who reads this can grow in their own life. I had the feeling of helplessness when the team I am connected with lost since I could not directly impact a situation the way that I wanted. I could have chosen a passive route and done things to occupy my time with the hope that I would numb the feeling. The problem is that I know better, and I want to practice what I teach, so I took the action of creating this post. I ask of you to find your own way to do the same.
What action will you take? I would love to hear what it is that allows you to use the emotions you have and place them into a healthy space for you! Feel free to share in the comments section below or contact me directly through my contact page if you want to learn how to delve into this topic with me further.